How to talk to your friends about Jesus

Mission is not an event we tack onto our already busy lives. It is our life. Mission should be the way we live, not something we add onto life…We can be missional in everyday ways with out even overloading our schedules.  Jonathan Dobson

Jesus' last words to the disciples in Matthew 28 were that they should do and make disciples of all nations. They were to tell people about him. Many of us know this command to tell people about Jesus. We know we are to evangelise but so often our attempts to tell our friends about Jesus appear to fall flat. We then can end up avoiding talking about him altogether and feeling guilty.  At our last women's event we discussed how we can talk to our friends about Jesus. You can listen to the talk here -

The handout can be found here - How to talk to your friends about Jesus

Our recent sermon series on Acts also helpfully look at how we can share our faith with others.  You can listen to the sermons here - Acts 16:6-40, Acts 17:1-15 or Acts 17:16-34

Our next event is on Nov 14th at 3pm looking at the question, 'How do I care for my friend who is hurting?' Do get the date in your diary. These events are such a great way to meet other women in our church family.

If you have any questions about this blog, please do email womenatcharlotte@gmail.com

Living distinctively - in relationships

As you think about how we as Christian women live distinctively in the world,  what comes to mind as you think about where you can do that effectively?  Is it in society taking a stand against the same-sex marriage bill or is it in work where you don’t bend the rules even just a little?  Is it how you raise your children ensuring they are not exposed any negative influences on the TV?  Is it how you socialise with your friends, declining the offer to go and watch ‘that’ films or not going to drink in ‘that’ pub?  Now none of these things are wrong.  It is important that we take a stand in society, that we are honest in work, raise our children in the ways of God and are careful about the things we expose ourselves to.  But I wonder if as Christians we are all too often known for things we are against and don’t do, rather than the distinctive way we live all of our lives.  

As we have read through 1 Peter at the beginning of our brunches this year, hopefully we have seen that the distinctive lifestyle Peter is encourage his readers to follow is encapsulates the whole of our lives.  It is not a list of “do not’s”.  It is so much more than that.  As turns to the area of marriage and relationship, I wonder if this is another area we are known more for things we don’t do rather than a whole life distinctiveness.

So to help us see how we should be distinctive in this area, let’s look at 1 Peter verses 1-7 of chapter 3.  “Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.  Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.  For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves.  They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.  Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

There is a lot which could be covered in these verses but I just want to bring out two points.  Firstly, being distinctive in the areas of relationships really does matter.  Throughout Peter’s letter he has been getting us to see the huge importance of our changed lifestyle.  Look back at 2v12, “though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us”  and 2v15, “by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people”.  Our distinctiveness and differences are a witness to those around us.  God can use our lives to point people to Jesus.  Peter is more specific in this passage.  Read again the end of verse 1, “if any do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives”.  In this case Peter is showing that the witness of a wife’s godly distinctive life can be the trigger to bring a husband to receive salvation from God and know eternal life.  However, there are two things this verse is not saying.  Firstly, if your husband is not a Christian please don’t think it is saying you are not living distinctively.  We must take this verse in light of the whole of scripture and we know someone’s conversion is between them and God.  We cannot bring about faith in anyone else.  We might be as distinctive as we can but someone else’s own sin and hard heart is what is causing them not to repent and turn to Jesus.  Secondly, this is not an excuse to date a non-Christian and hope they will become a Christian as a result of our witness.  They may do, but often they don’t.  Instead it serves as an example of the importance of living a godly distinctive lifestyle.  As it can be what brings someone in the kingdom.  It could be as important as life or death for someone.

Secondly, how are we to be distinctive in relationships?  Peter draws out two things.  Firstly, we are distinctive when we recognising equality and complementarity in our relationships.  For many people in the 21st century this is a hugely countercultural idea.  For some they may not believe Christians are for equality.  But we need to see that it is clearly in the Bible, as we will have accusations levelled against us that the Bible is sexist and down on women.  Look again at the end of verse 7 and reason Peter gives the husbands for their distinctiveness, “since they are heirs with you of the gracious of life”.  Here Peter is saying that there is absolute equality between men and women in the eyes of God.  We are children of God, co-heirs with Christ.  This would have been shocking to those reading.  Women were not heirs at the time.  They were not considered equal.  But Peter is saying that God thinks otherwise.  Men and women are equal in his eyes - neither sex is better or more superior.  This equality should be demonstrated in our relationships.  

But for all our equality chat in our society, do we really demonstrate equality in our relationships?  The battle of the sexes is not over, is it?  We don’t need to look too far to find evidence for one of the sexes trying to gain the upper hand over the other, trying to laud its superiority.  Instead equality in the eyes of God should develop humility in a relationship and ensure there is no desire for one-upmanship.  There should be a readiness to ask and give forgiveness.

So if the Bible is clear we are equal, what does complementarity mean?  The Bible is also clear that men and women have different roles within marriage.  Let’s look at what Peter says, “v 3 - in the same way submit to your own husband, v5 - submitted to their husbands”.  Our difference comes in our submission and acceptance of our husbands leadership.  Before we rise up in horror as our cultural expectations shudder at the word submit.  Let us remember what we are being asked to submit to a husband who looks upon us with the deepest devotion; a depth of devotion that will give up their life for them.  We are being asked to submit to a husband’s care, to his nurture, to his protection, to his godly leadership and example.  

The second thing Peter draws out is that we are distinctive when we demonstrate an attitude of Biblical femininity.  A quick google search threw up a incredible diverse range of ideas of what femininity looks like in our time.  From a wikiHow page which taught me how to dress saying, “To dress more femininely, you should wear flattering clothes that aren't too revealing. Wear more lady-like clothes such as skirts, dresses, pointed shoes, scarves, tank tops, or anything that distinguishes you as a woman and a lady.  In addition to your clothes and makeup, you should spend some time finding the perfect accessories to go with your wardrobe.”  I also learnt I needed to be graceful and learn to dance!  Thankfully Peter puts forward a different idea, otherwise there would no hope for me!  Our femininity is not demonstrated in how we look.  Instead it is demonstrated by our inner character.  Look at what he says the attitude looks like, “verse 2 - purity and reverence and in verse 4 - a gentle and quiet spirit”.  What does this mean?  Is Peter expecting us to sit in a corner of a room never offering an opinion, only speaking when we are spoken too?  I would argue, not at all.  Instead I would say our purity and reverence, and our gentle and quiet spirit is very much on show when we speak and when we interact the men in our lives.   It is demonstrated in the way we follow their lead - with grace and encouragement or with reticence and begrudgingly?  It is demonstrated in how we respond when they make a mistake - with forgiveness or with an ‘I told you so’?  It is demonstrated in how we something we what to happen done - with patience and love or with manipulation and nagging?

So the challenge as we read this passage for those of us who are married, is do you realise that how you behave in your marriage matters and do you demonstrate the distinctiveness Peter calls us to?  While for those those of us who are unmarried, are you cultivating a purity towards men now or are you going to wait until you are married? Are you asking God to help you grow a gentle and quiet spirit shining with inner beauty now?

Living distinctively – at work

At our brunch on 21st September we looked at the another section of 1 Peter to see what area of life, Peter next encouraged the Christians to be distinctive in.  Let's read verses 18-20 of chapter 2.  “Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh.  For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God.  But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.”

So what aspect of life is Peter talking about here?  Look again at verse 18, “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect…”   Are you a slave?  Before we dismiss this as not relevant we need to remember the context.  Peter is writing to Christians at the far flung edges of the Roman Empire in the mid-sixties AD.  The typical work for Christians would be as household servants.  Servants is a better translation than slaves.  Think more Downton Abbey than the slavery of the cotton fields of America.   

Obviously we’ve got to make some cultural adjustments.  Not many of us, I don’t think are household servants.  But the clear application for us is our work.  And the vast majority of us who are working are more like servants than masters.  Most of us who are working are accountable to someone.  If we are working, however junior or senior we are, the vast majority of us will be subject to some higher authority.   That’s the key theme of Peter’s argument,  how we relate to those with authority over us at work.   

Many of us are workers.  However, if we are not currently in paid employment don’t stop reading.  We may be employed in the future.  Or we might have a husband, children or friends who are in work.  So maybe our role is to support and guide them to be distinctive at work.    

So how does Peter say we are to live out our distinctiveness in the workplace?  Firstly, we are to submit to the authority of our employer – “submit yourselves to your masters with all respect”.  We are to give respect and to show respect to those in authority over us.  Fair enough you might think, that doesn’t seem that distinctive.  But notice how Peter continues, “not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh”.  Peter is encouraging these Christians to respect those in authority, not only when our boss or employers are good and considerate, but also when they are harsh.  A better translation for the word harsh is ‘crooked’.  

What this is about is an attitude of mind!  Now, it’s easy to submit to, and respect, authority when it is exercised with integrity and consideration.  It’s easy to work for someone like that – it inspires loyalty!  But what about a difficult boss, unreasonable people?  It’s not easy, but Peter says – show them ‘all respect’ (that’s the phrase he uses).  Maybe others around us won’t show them respect, but we should!  That’s what makes us distinctive – distinctive in the eyes of our boss and distinctive in the eyes of our colleagues.  
Giving respect to those in authority over us is not just something we do face to face.  What about conversations over lunch when we talk about our boss?  I know this was a difficult one as a teacher.  How should I respond to those conversations in the staffroom?  

        

Secondly Peter’s strategy for distinctiveness focuses on how we behave at work.  Both of his general strategies, resist sin and do good are evident in what Peter says here.  Look again at verse 20: “But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it?  But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.”  Behind this Peter is exhorting us against doing wrong and commending us to ‘do good’.  And so, we are to do behave in two ways.  Firstly in a way that means nothing that could be held against us.  We are be not corrupt, not negligent, instead trustworthy Some practical examples of this could be, ‘stealing time’; ‘stealing stationary’; ‘unfairly blaming others for our mistakes’; ‘not pulling our weight’.  Secondly, do what is expected of you and more.  Do a good job, yes, but add some value, work hard, excel in your job!    

What are the results result of striving (as far as we are able) to live distinctive lives as Christians in the workplace?  God-willing there will be impact.  Those we work with and those we work for will see in us and the way we live something different, something attractive...and they will respond positively.  But that’s not the result of our distinctiveness that Peter is focusing on here!  Instead the impact Peter is speaking about is unjust suffering!  
When we respect those in authority over us in work and behaving in such a way that goes over and above what is expected of you, doing nothing that could be held against you, we might not be praised and commended instead we might suffer.  How could this look?  When we don’t go along with the office gossip about the boss, we might find ourselves shunned from conversations.  When we don’t bend the rules, even a little, we might find ourselves passed over for that promotion.  Or we might suffer as a direct result of our faith.  We might suffer because as Christians we can’t submit to our boss.  Submission is qualified in one respect.  Our fear of God qualifies submission to masters.  There may be occasions when employees have to say ‘no’ to an employer, because they are Christians.  This might lead to suffering.

It doesn’t sound pleasant, does it?  Suffering because we are distinctive isn’t the greatest motivator to live distinctively.  So Peter finishes chapter 2 with a better motivator.  Verses 21-25 say, “‘He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.’  When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats.  Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.  ‘He himself bore our sins’ in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; ‘by his wounds you have been healed.’  For ‘you were like sheep going astray,’ but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”

We live this way, we risk suffering, because Christ suffered for you.  He is our example and we should follow in his steps.

Living distinctively - in society

One of the aims of our brunches is to help us a Christian women live distinctively in the world and to equips us to live out our faith in a society which has many values and opinions so different to what the Bible teaches and how God wants to live.  We want to know how to live distinctively in regard to certain issues or in certain circumstances.  But living effectively, standing fast in God’s grace can be difficult.  We need to walk the line between withdrawing from the world and compromising.  We need to check that we are not  protecting ourselves so much from the world negative influences that no-one can see our distinctive behaviour.  Neither do we want to have given in so much to the world and its values that we are no longer distinctive.  We end up looking the same as anyone else.  This is why this year we start each brunch with a devotional from 1 Peter.  

In his letter Peter showed his readers that it was their new identity, who they are in Christ, which caused them to live distinctively.  Instead of being a group of scattered Christians from diverse walks of life.  They were a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation and God’s special possession (read more here - Who are you?). 

Peter then gave them two principles to ensure they lived out this new identity as clearly as possible - resist sin and do good.  Follow this and we will be running the line between withdrawing and compromise.  And what is the result?  The result is opposition and transformation - “though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”  We need to be prepared that some will give us flak for living as Christians.  However, others will respond – and come to glorify God by submitting to Jesus.  So our distinctive witness as Christians really matters, it really does impact people.

But Peter didn’t leave his readers just with two guiding principles.  He gets specific and looks a how they should live out their new identity in certain circumstances.  Firstly he teaches how to live distinctively in society. Let’s read from 1 Peter 2v13-17, "Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people.  Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves.  Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honour the emperor.”

Firstly, we live distinctively by submitting to and honouring the authorities.  How do we do this?  Well, by being exemplary, law abiding citizens, by obeying the law of the land.  As Christians we should be know for lives of integrity.  Integrity that doesn’t seek to cut corners or look for ways to avoid obeying the laws.  It is often in the lesser issues our integrity shows.  How do we view the speed limits on the roads?  How do you view copyright and illegal downloading laws?  Do you think it doesn’t matter too much if you break these little laws, no-one’s getting hurt?  Or do you see them as situations where our distinctiveness can show.  Also how do you speak about those in government?  Of course we can disagree with our government but does our speech, our engagement with politics show that we honour them?  

However, Peter gives a caveat to this.  Our allegiance is to God firstly.  Submission to the authority is qualified, it is only for the Lord’s sake that submission is given in the first places.  At the point where obedience to the authorities means disobedience to the Lord, the Christian cannot proceed any further.  Where the authorities are hostile to God’s people, the prior importance of obedience to God rather than men is clear.  We can still show our distinctiveness in how we react in situations like that.  We should disagree with grace and love.  But we can disobey.

Secondly, we live distinctively by doing good.  As Christians we are to contribute positively and responsibly to society, respecting our fellow citizens.  ‘Do good’ is an encouragement for Christians to be known within society for their love, care, humanity and compassion.  I personally find this more challenging that obeying the law.  On the whole due to the group of women that we are, our backgrounds and lifestyles, we don’t have too many issues sticking to the law of the land.  But are we known for our positive contributions to society.  Are we known our quality of love for our neighbours?

By doing this our behaviour can silencing opposition from non-Christians.  We can influence society through our good deeds and our law abiding lives.  And in some cases our influence can bring people to saving faith.  Ask God to show you where you need to be more distinctive.

Part two - Living distinctively at work coming soon.