1. Building up relationships of truth and love
Underneath the symptoms there is a person who is loved by God. And that person will benefit from being surrounded with an array of godly people who can gently encourage them to look to Jesus and persevere through the tough times. However, they may well find it hard to make the first move so it might well be helpful to be proactive. Calling round to say hello, phoning to invite them out, sending encouraging texts. Though it will be important not to overload someone who is already feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of life.
It is good to thank someone when they confide in you. It is helpful to reassure them that you don’t think any differently of them. It also key to say that you want to encourage them as they work through their struggles.
2. Encouraging expression of emotion
While chatting with someone it is important to let them share how they really feel. It is right to gently re-orientate them to God’s truth or challenge the negative thinking at some stage but it is wrong to try and shut them up. This simply encourages them to pretend they are feeling something they are not. It is better to let them pour out their feelings and thoughts. It can also be helpful to show that the Bible doesn’t shy away from some of the emotions they are feeling. Job was depressed. The Psalms are full of it.
3. Identifying false beliefs
Mental health can reveal an unhealthy fear, anger, dashed hopes, a feeling of failure and shame, or feelings of guilt and legalism. All these say something about our beliefs in God. Some may be patently obvious as the depressed person cries that they are are unloveable. Others maybe more subtle - lying awake worrying suggest they be struggling to trust God and that he is good. While others wear a cultural disguise as people wrestle with the belief that they deserve to comfortable.
We must never judge someone for their wrong thinking but it is important we gently challenge them. None of us benefit from believing things that simply aren't true. This is especially true when it comes to our thoughts about God and what it means to be a Christian.
4. Promoting biblical beliefs
This needs to be done humbly and sensitively. There is no place for simply blurting out ‘that’s not true’! But when someone says, “God doesn't love me, it is possible to challenge, gently, “but doesn't the Bible say that God has lavished his love on all his children at the start of 1 John 3?” We want to be bring people back to the truths of the Bible. We want them to fear God, keep his commandments, love him and love others. We want to teach them how to persevere.
6. Modeling perseverance
People rarely move to fine overnight. It may take months or years. It’s important to pace your support from the starts. Get a next network of people to help. Know what is realistic for you to support in a sustainable way.
People often find they have some good periods and then a period of relapse. We will need to ask God for patience, perseverance and love in those moments.
6. Praying and praising
Praying is essential. Pray as Paul prays in Ephesians 1. Do keep encouraging them to pray but do so in ways that are achievable. Make sure they know you are praying for them when they can’t. Share with them ways they could pray for you.
There are some great Psalms in the bible that begin, “Lord, this hurts” but end with the words “But I trust in you”. Using the Psalms as a basis for prayer and praise can be useful to pray with the person who is struggling. Prayer could be hard for them so you want to help with them whenever you can. Model how they can pray and make it as straightforward as possible.
If you have any questions about this blog or are affected by any of these issues, please do email womenatcharlotte@gmail.com
