Continue in prayer, continue in community...

John 13:3

"By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” 

New year is a time for reflection as well as a time of planning for the future.  As I look back over the last year I am particularly struck by how God has been working through members of our church body to bring comfort to those amongst us who are suffering and going through difficulties of all kinds.  Whether that is through prayer, cards, visits or meal deliveries.  
This year it has been clear to me that we are distinctive as a community because we are Christians and that the love we show to one another is seen by those outside our community, bringing questions and comments.  The genuine relationships we have with one another and the depths of relationship we share are truly distinctive in a world of superficiality and individualism.  This is a time when the way we relate can really mark us out and point others to Jesus.  I believe absolutely that whilst we must not allow ourselves to be in a 'Christian huddle', we need one another to enable us to reach out and seek the lost.  We need one another to encourage, pray specifically, be accountable to, remind of who God is and to assist in helping us live lives that are godly and distinctive. We can only have these relationships with those we know well, really well, and Sunday morning quick chat doesn't cut it. That's why we have small groups in the church. 

In addition, as women, we have a God given responsibility to one another;  "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self- controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."  Titus 2:3-5
The women's ministry brunches are meetings where it is possible to meet older women and younger women, women who you wouldn't normally meet up with.  They have provided opportunity for the development of those deeper relationships we desire with one another. They have provided opportunity for teaching and learning more about God.  So, if you are an 'older woman', the younger women of Charlotte chapel need you; if you are a 'younger woman', you need an older woman in your life and this is an opportunity to find one!  In reality, we are all younger and older women and we all have a role to play in our church community.  It is our desire on the women's ministry team to serve you as women of Charlotte chapel as you seek to fulfil your God given responsibilities to one another, support and love one another.  Please do speak to one of us if you have ideas for future events or thoughts about how we can serve you better.  Can I encourage you to put the dates for the brunches in your diary now; let's continue to grow in our relationships and love for one another so that others may be able to see Jesus more clearly in our lives.

The dates for the brunches 2014 are below:

• Feb 8th - Living a godly life #1
• May 10th - A Meal with Jesus: The call to hospitality
• Sept 27th - Living a godly life #2
• Nov 8th - Living in a material world

Marriage - a Biblical perspective

"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced  pain and bought jewellery."

Rita Rudner

"Marriage is a wonderful institution; but who wants to live in an institution?"  

Groucho Marx

It seems to me that people out in the world may have a number of views about marriage.  Some of them will be positive but others will not.  Perhaps the view is that marriage is painful. Perhaps that it is disappointing.  Perhaps it is 'just a piece of paper' which guarantees financial security or indeed the 'piece of paper' which ties a man down and takes away all the fun.  Perhaps the view is that it is an excuse for a great party.  Politicians talk about marriage as being the foundation of society and important in a world of family breakdown.  In a world of all these confusing and conflicting ideas about marriage the most important view for us as Christians is God's view of marriage.  God has a radical meaning for marriage, in fact it is about as far away from society's view of marriage as you can get.  Because the bible tells us that ' marriage is for the service of God'. 

But firstly, what is marriage?  There has been much talk in the media recently about defining or redefine marriage.  How does God define marriage?  In Matt 19 v 4-6 first Jesus is talking to the Pharisees in response to their questions about divorce.  Jesus talks about marriage in terms of a covenant promise.  He says it is: between a man and a woman, public (as witnessed in the leaving the parents to live together), monogamous, lifelong, and God joined.  Note what it is not! It doesn't talk about being in love, of 'trying before you buy' or being easy to leave.

Having defined what marriage is, what is it for?  Jesus himself directs us back to the beginning of creation to answer this question.  In Genesis 1 v 26-31 we read we were created to be gardeners!  We are unique in creation, created in the image and likeness of God and were given a unique privilege, to care for creation.  To achieve this task God made us male and female.  God wanted a whole family of gardeners to fulfil the task he had given us!  Marriage was created before the fall of man.  Together, man and woman were tasked to care for God's creation, under God's rule and in glorious communion with Him.

So, what is marriage for? It is for one man and one woman together to serve God, living 

under His rule and in communion with Him.  But there is a question we need to ask about this.  What about Genesis 2?  Doesn't God say that Adam is alone and needs a helper?  Is that not what we do, when we marry, fulfil each other's needs for companionship?  In Genesis 2 v 15-18 God makes woman to be Adam's helper.  Note that it says that Adam was alone, not that he was lonely.  Remember, the task was to care for creation and this needed more than Adam and Eve, it needed a whole family!  If we assert that Adam needs Eve to fulfil his loneliness then that changes the whole focus of marriage. If we marry to fulfil our desires, to help us with our loneliness, then we get married to fulfil ourselves.  The rest of the Bible just doesn't support that attitude.  The bible says that my ultimate fellowship and companionship is found in God himself who loves me, not in another human being.  Multiple passages throughout scripture talk of love; the love God has for us, our love for God and our love for other people and marriage is not mentioned. 

So what is marriage for?  It is to serve God.  But there is something else as well.

All through the Bible God refers in marriage terms to His relationship with His people.  So, in some way our marriages are a reflection of God's relationship with His people.  For his desire to restore His relationship with an adulterous people who reject Him.  This makes us consider how we behave within our marriages, as we model our marriages on Him, on Christ who laid down His life for His church.

So let's remind ourselves, marriage is defined as one man and one woman living under God's rule and serving Him, living out in their marriage a reflection of God's love for His people.

Should we all aim for marriage? Is it better to get married or not?  1 cor 7 v 36-38 shows us that we have Christian freedom in this area.  These verses contain some puzzles but ultimately Paul is leaving individual decisions up to us as Christians as to whether to marry or not.  As long as the person is a fellow Christian and also wants to marry, then we are free to marry, but we don't have to.  In fact, it might save us some anxiety if we don't marry!  What is clear from these verses is that it makes no difference to our relationship with God whether we marry or not.  We continue to live out our lives and serve Him, although this may be in different ways if we are married than if we are not.

We have looked at what marriage is as defined by God himself.  We have looked at the  purpose of marriage and how marriage reflects Gods relationship with his people to the world.  We have seen that not all of us will be married.  What does this all mean in practical terms for us as women, those who are married, those who are not?  What does it mean for us on a daily basis in our marriages, as we deal with conflict with our husbands? What does it mean for us in our relationships with friends and work colleagues?  When we have a conversation over coffee and we are encouraged to live with our boyfriend before marriage, or when all the other women are complaining about their husbands?  When all the girls are talking about wanting a relationship with a man to be fulfilled?  Have you aimed for marriage as the goal in your life?  Have you wanted marriage to solve your loneliness?  Do you idolise marriage?  Have you been disappointed in your husband because he has failed to meet your needs?  All our marriages are different, have you thought about how you can serve God in your marriage?  If your husband is a believer, have you thought about how you and your husband can serve others and God together?  Have you thought about how you can serve the marriages around you?

As Christian women we can come to to the God of grace and ask his forgiveness for our wrong behaviour, our wrong desires and focus on that wonderful day when we are at the wedding feast of the lamb.  On that day, all the frustrations and difficulties of every unmarried Christian, the conflicts and disappointments of every married Christian, the scars of past hurts and mistakes will be washed away as we wear the beautiful bridal clothes that Jesus has prepared for us through his death on the cross.  I pray that as we think about these truths about marriage, we will all know the grace of God in our own lives, His redemption of us as sinful people and the Holy Spirit who works in our hearts to change us and make us more like our wonderful bridegroom, The Lord Jesus Christ.

If you have not love...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and 

understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so  

as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

I have been reading 1 Corinthians 13 this week.  It's a very famous passage and is read at many weddings, or at least it has been in the past.  If you have been reading the news this week you will know that more and more people are rejecting traditional bible passages and are using children's story books like 'how much do I love you' which is about two rabbits declaring their love for one another and trying to out best each other.  So, one says, 'I love you to the moon and back' to which the other replies, 'well I love you to the sun and back.' It's a sweet sentimental tale for children which has been appropriated as a demonstration of married love.  And of course it's an entirely impractical fantasy......rabbits can't fly to the moon.

The bible offers the ultimate 'out besting' practical demonstration of love.  That of Christ dying for His beloved.  Christ the groom enabling His bride, the church, to be clothed in beautiful righteous garments as she comes to the wedding feast.  When we think of a bride, we think of a woman spending many hours and days, perhaps years, preparing herself to be outwardly beautiful for that one day when she will walk towards her future husband, when all eyes will be on her.  How amazing it is that Christ turns things upside down and instead it is He, as the groom, who makes His bride beautiful.  And it's not just on the outside, a transformation that will be destroyed by the post wedding dancing.  It is an inward transformation, a cleansing of the soul.  A transformation so profound that it restores our  relationships with the Holy eternal God the Father.  He loved not just to the moon and back, not even to the sun and back, but from heaven to earth and back.  Because of His great love, one day you and I will join with Him at the wedding feast of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.  As a women's ministry we are focussing on marriage over the next month.  I pray that whether as individuals we are married in this life currently or not, we will all be filled with joy and praise as we look forward to taking our place at that wonderful wedding feast of the Lamb.

Age and beauty

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3v 3.

Two things have happened in my life recently.  First; I hit a significant birthday and second; my  eight year old daughter was involved in a local gala event.  Both of these events have made me think again about image and beauty.  My age has crept up on me; it seems only a minute ago that I was a fresh faced teenager but suddenly, or so it seems, my hair is greying and the wrinkles are starting to show.  The world around me is telling me that it matters that I look older, that, especially as a woman, my value is reduced because I am no longer young and beautiful.  Recent newspaper articles have discussed how older women disappear from our TV screens, newsreaders and actresses alike.  Is it true?  Am I less of a person because of my age and fading outward appearance?

My daughter is at the very start of her life as a young woman.  It is wonderful to see her simple enjoyment in life itself.  The joys of riding her bike, climbing trees and yes, of enjoying beautiful clothes. When it comes to getting dressed up for the gala though; should she have her nails done, her hair at the hairdressers, wear heeled shoes?  What does it tell her about herself if we as her parents,as well as the world around her, focus on her outward appearance?  But is it wrong to want to look good or to wear pretty clothes?

It is clear to me that the world is wrong on this issue.  God values me whatever my age or whether I am externally beautiful in the eyes of other human beings or not.  He made me and ultimately He loved me so much He sent His son to die for me.  However, He also made me a woman and one who happens to enjoy pretty clothes and 'having my hair done'.  Throughout the bible there are many examples of women who are described as externally beautiful.  So, whilst I acknowledge the eternal unimportance of external appearance I also believe that God created the beauty I find in colour, clothes and even having my hair done!  All his gifts are to be enjoyed with thanksgiving (1 Tim 4v4).

Reading the above passage from 1 Peter also helps me with these questions.  The bible is clear that God is more interested in what is going on in our hearts than with external appearance (1 Sam 16 v 7).  So, if we are more focused on our external appearance than the nature of our hearts then we have a worldly perspective and not a Godly one.  But what does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit?  Does it mean we need to be women who never speak up, don't have an opinion, sit in the corner? 

Think of the most Godly woman you know; one who speaks kindly and lovingly of and to others, who embodies wisdom in both her life and in her advice to others, who faces infirmity and illness with grace.  Then think of others you know; the ones that are holding on to bitterness, speak of a multitude of regrets in their lives past, who live in fear of the future of old age and infirmity.  The first is a living example of this passage in 1 Peter.  The woman who has a gentle and quiet spirit is a woman who has found rest in and peace with God.  She knows that He is her rock and fortress in times of trouble, that He is the Good Shepherd who is walking with her through life and that He has prepared a room for her in eternity.  She shines with Godly beauty and it is recognisable to those around her.  I thank God for the many women I know who embody this passage to me and pray that by God's grace I may grow to become like them.

Witness in the home, to those with whom we live

'Hear O Israel: The Lord our God, The Lord is one. You shall love The Lord your God with all  your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.' Deut 6 v 4-7.

This is the passage that comes to my mind when I am asked about witnessing in the home. Whilst they clearly speak of our witness to our children, I think that they could apply to anyone we live with as the verses talk very specifically about the totality of our lives, particularly within our homes. In thinking about living a 'missional life' a previous blog posting suggested that we needed to do three things; love Jesus, love people and love life.  So how do these verses in Deuteronomy help me to do that particularly with relevance to those with whom I live?

Firstly, I need to love God with all my heart. Those living with us see us up close and personal. They know exactly what is important to us, what our hearts love. They know if we get angry because the washing up hasn't been done, there are dirty footprints everywhere or the wet towel is still lying on the bathroom floor. They hear us grumbling over something that happened at work, over the behaviour of other drivers or whether or not the preacher was any good this morning. However, they may also see us on our knees, accept our apologies and watch how we go out of our way to love others. My life needs to be authentic, characterised with honesty about my failings and my daily reliance on Gods grace.

Secondly, I need to love those around me by teaching them these words from Deuteronomy. But what is it that I am teaching? That they need to love God with all their heart, soul and might. And how do they learn this? One way may be as we try to model lives of repentance, humility and faith and another may be as we actively love them. Christ demonstrates His love for us in humility, service and sacrifice and He can enable us to love others in this way. Loving those we live with doesn't always come easily; we are sinners, they are sinners! The bible says we need to be trained to love our husbands and children, (Titus 2 v 3-5). I would encourage you to enlist an older Christian, talk about the issues and ask them to pray with and for you. Spend some time thinking about each of those you live with; what makes them tick, what they enjoy doing and how they feel loved. Then think and plan ways in which you can love that person better; for example my daughter always feels loved when I play a game with her, it doesn't have to take up more than a few minutes but it makes all the difference to her day.

Thirdly, my love for God and the life that He has blessed me with should be demonstrated in enjoyment, enthusiasm and thankfulness whatever I am doing. If I go around feeling put upon and seeing serving others as a burden then my witness will be that Christianity is a drudge and a grind. If my faith is all about rules and what I/we can't do, then those around me will see Christianity as a prison rather than the source of true freedom. In our house we  have planned activities that can help us live out the joy of our faith; for example we have cooked international meals and then talked about and prayed for missionaries currently serving in that part of the world.

Ultimately, my witness to those who live with me is completely reliant on my loving heavenly Father who reached out, rescued and died for me whilst I was still His enemy.  My responsibility is to love Him, love others, and pray that He will draw them to Himself.  

Discipleship across the generations

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." John 13 v 34-35.

Have you read any of the recent research about loneliness in the elderly?
Seventy five percent of over 75's feel lonely all or most of the time.  For many elderly people in our society the television is the main provider of company.  I have often visited older people in their homes as part of my job and many times been horrified at the isolation of their lives.  Whilst this is obviously not true for all older people it seems to be becoming more of an issue due to the mobility of people perhaps due to job requirements as well as family breakdown.  Recently I had to visit an elderly person who required social care to be put in place urgently.  This was not going to be available for a few days and I was very concerned as to how this person would manage.  Then the offer came that there were friends from a local church who were willing to help out with twice daily meals until social care could start.  As I left the house I reflected on Gods grace and goodness to this elderly person and what a fantastic witness this was to non believers.  Jesus' command to us came to mind.  As a church we want to be conspicuous and distinctive for Christ.  The way we love one another can demonstrate that.  We are to love one another as Christ loved us; sacrificially, in humility, putting others needs first.  When it comes to demonstrating His love to the older saints amongst us we can all make a difference.  Many of us could deliver a meal, whether we cook it ourselves or buy it, we can send a card, and perhaps most helpful of all, we can spend time with someone.  Part of alleviating loneliness is alleviating aloneness.  By our presence we can demonstrate our love and care.  Many older people would enjoy a visit from a young mum, even when the baby cries!

However, the reality is that by visiting older ladies we are not just serving them, we personally also have much to gain.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behaviour, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self- controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Tit 2 v 3-5.

My grandmother was housebound for the last few years of her life and she was often visited by much younger women.  These women brought her real joy as she shared cups of tea, a good chat and words from scripture with them.  However after speaking to many of them at her funeral I realised that they felt that they themselves were the primary beneficiaries of those visits.  A life steeped in scripture and based on a fervent love for Jesus was able to offer insight and wisdom into the lives and problems of women decades younger.  The promise to pray was an encouragement and followed up by concerned and caring questioning at the next visit.

These friendships between the older and younger members of our church body help build up and encourage each other in our faith as well as demonstrating to the world that we are disciples of Christ.

If you would like to discuss this further, have any questions about who to visit or would like to volunteer to help out at the monthly seniors lunch club, speak to Catherine Burrows or Rachel Sloan via the church office.

Flee sexual immorality.....1 Cor 6 v 12-20

On Sunday 20th Jan in the evening, Liam preached from this passage (listen here).  It encouraged me as to how I should live as a follower of Christ, united to Him and part of His body.  Having been charged to flee from sexual immorality, I was challenged as to where the temptations lie in my life and what does sexual immorality look like for us as Christian women in Edinburgh in 2013?

First, whilst I am not naive enough to think that none of us watch pornography, I suspect that for many of us that that is not where our particular temptations lie as women.  It is not physical depictions of sex that tempt us, it is the romantic fantasy.  The strong handsome lover who listens to us, brings us flowers, tells us we are beautiful.  We find this in the latest romance novels, TV shows or romcom.  Perhaps some women find themselves attracted to the hero of 'Fifty Shades'.  Generally though as women we are turned on by emotional attachments and when a man takes notice of us, listens to us, shows an interest in what we are doing, that's when it's really dangerous.  It may be entirely appropriate for that man to show an friendly interest in us; perhaps he is our pastor, elder, boss, friend, doctor, but we need to watch our thought lives and fantasy life in this situation.  I once read about a married woman who stopped going to a hairdresser when she realised she was becoming attached to him.  He had no idea of her feelings and had never shown any impropriety, the sin was in HER heart and head as she fantasised about him.  Once recognised, she realised her need to flee from sexual immorality.

Secondly, I was struck by our need as women to be a 'helper' to our husbands and male friends.  If we are married, then we need to be helping protect our marriages by being sexually available for our husbands.  It's so easy as time goes on to make excuses, to 'have a headache'.  Our culture laughs about it but it's dangerous.  Of course, there are seasons of life when sex is not possible or as frequent as at others but surely our general rule should be to say 'yes please' rather than 'not tonight'.  John Piper^[1] on this subject, discussing 1 Cor 7 v 3-5, says that ' a married couple gives a severe blow to the head of that ancient serpent when they aim to give as much sexual satisfaction to each other as possible'.  What a great inducement, if you needed any!

Whether we are married or not, we can be unhelpful to our husbands and male friends if we behave like Potiphar's wife (Genesis 39).  We may not be as blatant as she was, but have we considered the impact of our behaviour and dress on the men around us?  Do we flirt with men who are not our husbands?  Do we dress provocatively?  Do we spend too much time with a man who is not our husband?  Do we encourage our boyfriend into sin by pressing ourselves against him and encouraging him into an intimacy which should be waiting for marriage?  How do the men around us interpret our behaviour?  Men too can be aroused by a woman who pays them attention so let's be careful about how our behaviour could be interpreted.

Finally, we can be thankful for our wonderful saviour through whom we can seek forgiveness for our failures in this area of our lives and ask His help as we seek to flee the temptations as they come.

If you have questions about this post, please do email womenatcharlotte@gmail.com

---

^[1] sexual relations in marriage. Feb 15 1981. John Piper. www.desiringgod.org

Christmas is coming and it's time for...

....'to do' lists.

I love Christmas. I love the excitement building as we get towards the day, the crisp cold mornings, planning and buying presents, seeing all the decorations go up, the beauty of carol services and fun of Christmas lunches. But I can get really bogged down in the 'to do' lists. Sometimes I write them down and sometimes they are just in my head. That endless list of things to buy, things to do, things I meant to do a few weeks ago but just didn't get round too. All those people I meant to catch up with, the cleaning I meant to do and all the Christmas cards to write. All to make the perfect Christmas. You know the one, the one in the adverts and in the magazines. The one where everyone is smiling and happy, where all the decorations match and you can almost smell the home baking off the TV screen or the pages of the magazine. What a pressure. And each year I feel the temptation to succumb to it. I can get so distracted by the idealised image that I can be difficult and irritable when other people, particularly those closest to me, get in the way of me completing my 'to do' list. 

I have been meditating recently on a verse from the Psalms: Ps 127 v 1.

Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labour in vain.

In the run up to Christmas it seems to have become even more relevant. All those 'things' I want to do to build a perfect Christmas suddenly seem to be put in perspective. They are not necessarily wrong in themselves; it's lovely to plan and prepare for fun at Christmas but when I let them get in the way and distract me from the most important part of Christmas then I am wrong. They cause me to sin against my family and friends by being irritable and the Lord Himself when I fail to put Him at the centre of my life. When I run around trying to complete my endless 'to do' list I am trying to build 'my house' without The Lord.

This Christmas I pray my home and yours will be full of happiness and laughter, whether it's clean behind the sofa or not. Most importantly of all, I pray that we will know the joy and peace that comes from a life and home built on and by the Lord.

Who am I?

I met Jo in the post office. "What have you been doing today?" she asked me. " I have been at work" I replied. She looked at me in amazement, " I had no idea you worked, but then I just know you as Rebecca's mum!".

Many of us can relate to this experience; we are somebody's mum, wife, daughter, sister and we are identified by that relationship. Or we are identified by what we do during the day; we are someone's teacher, nurse, doctor, accountant. Perhaps we even identify 
ourselves by what we do; I am a scientist, a businesswoman, a homemaker. But who are we really? Who am I? Is what I am defined by my relationships and/or by the work I do?

The Charlotte chapel women's ministry has a mission statement 'to challenge women to live out their distinct identity as women designed by God, transformed by the message and power of Jesus Christ' and the bible says this: Galatians 3 v 26 ' so in Jesus Christ you are all children of God through faith' and 1 John 3 v 1 'See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!'

As a woman who believes and trusts in The Lord Jesus Christ, I am a child of God. That is my primary identity. I am part of His family. The almighty sovereign creator God is MY father. The all powerful God who made the heavens and the earth is my helper because He is my father. He knows me because He made me, He knows what I need before I ask Him. He loves me and longs to give me good things because He is my father. This reality stops me in my tracks.

I am full of wonder and amazement that He cares for me like this and it transforms my life. When I am suffering, stressed or just plain weary, my father knows what I need and gives me rest and His strength. When I sin, he offers me forgiveness. As I struggle with my sin, He says that in Christ and with the Holy Spirit's help He will give me the resources I need to change. When relationships go wrong and when I am lonely He comes alongside and says He will never leave me nor forsake me. I can be honest with Him and tell Him all my cares and worries because He already knows what they are. I pray I will never lose the wonder and joy I have that I am part of His family. And whilst the things of this world will pass away, including my relationships with family members and my occupation, I will always be His child. This is who I am, it is my true identity because it is my eternal identity.

If you have questions about this post, please do email womenatcharlotte@gmail.com